A successful woman has made her way into a man’s subconscious and carefully screened him. But all of this is just the preparation.

Anyone who has played video games knows that the key to victory lies in the opening move.

Love is the same. If you want a man to put you on his “marry” list and love you wholeheartedly, then you must not take it lightly from the beginning. You must wholeheartedly invest in this relationship and firmly control the rhythm of love.

Mutual attraction is the first step of a relationship. Next, it’s the man’s investment in the relationship to further maintain this connection.

Some people think that “investment” means being willing to spend money on yourself. They believe that a man’s love and the extent of it can be judged by how much money he is willing to spend on you. Some girls think that investment is about using female advantages to make a man pay the bills. Others think investment is a man constantly clinging to you, bombarding you with messages and calls, acting as if he can’t live without you.

The correct investment should be a man’s sense of responsibility, genuine care and thoughtfulness, quality companionship, and willingness to put in effort. To encourage a man to invest more, a woman must indulge his desires.

What is indulging his desires? What is the psychological basis of indulging his desires?

As a dance that allows the closest contact between the sexes, the true charm of the waltz lies in its push-and-pull technique. When the woman retreats, the man advances, and through this dynamic, the emotions between them intensify. Many love stories in the West originate from the time spent dancing. You might not care for dancing, but you must understand the push-and-pull technique of love, understand the art of indulging his desires, and keep your love boat afloat!

Indulging his desires means that the schemer’s true intention is to conquer the other person, but seemingly “releases” the other person first. It’s like “to win, one must first yield.” By retreating, you guide the other person to take the initiative, making them unable to leave you, and making them care more about you.

When a man finds a woman he likes, he will initiate the pursuit and enjoy the thrill of the chase. But if you have already surrendered before he even starts, the chase will seem dull and unchallenging. Men often don’t cherish women who are too easily won. They only dote on those they have struggled to win over. From a marital perspective, if he only sends you a few messages and sweet words win you over, it shows that you are easily swayed, and such women have a low marital security level. The biggest fear for a man after remarriage is an unfaithful wife, so subconsciously, he hopes you are not easily swayed.

Whether or not you can indulge his desires, you must understand consciously that indulging his desires requires a positive mindset. You can have this person, you can let go of this person, or maybe you haven’t even started, you’re just laying the groundwork. If you’re already unable to be without this man early in the relationship, and your attention is fixated on him, then there’s no room for indulging his desires.

How to indulge his desires effectively? How to make your boyfriend willingly invest and put in effort for you?

1. To gain high-value investment from your crush, you must first learn to be a high-value woman, control the rhythm of ambiguity, and become a goddess with rhythm.

Often in relationships, we don’t know what to do or what to do because we lack a sense of rhythm and fundamental control over the relationship. After the other person confirms the relationship with you, you start showing yourself, being nice to the other person without reservation. The essence of playing hard to get lies in giving and then taking away. You need to make the man feel like he’s almost won you over, just a little more to go. This feeling of almost succeeding will make him focus all his attention on you. The longer this feeling lasts, the more effort the man puts in. Of course, the degree of this is crucial. This process is about understanding him and attracting him. For example, in the ambiguous stage, try not to initiate calls or messages. If he likes you, he will contact you on his own. If he doesn’t, it means his affection for you is limited. Don’t reply with long texts, use more responsive phrases like, “Really? Haha,” “No way,” “You’re so amazing,” etc. When he helps you or expresses goodwill, remember to thank him but not extravagantly. If he “accidentally” makes physical contact with you, instinctively pull back. In the initial ambiguous stage, you don’t need to respond to his emotions, but you should acknowledge his inner self and abilities. This is the “sugar” you give him, making him feel that you truly understand him. When the man does something you don’t like or when you have a disagreement, changing this rhythm will be noticeable to him. For example, if a man likes playing games for an hour or two a day, you can watch him play with a fangirl look, and occasionally ask him to teach you. But if he gets to the point of neglecting you for the game, treating you like air, then you can give him signals that you’re not happy, letting him know that he’s neglecting his girlfriend because of the game. I can tolerate some of your small hobbies, but I can’t tolerate you ignoring me for long periods. Instead of silently supporting his interests while feeling resentful, when he increasingly neglects you and you feel you can’t take it anymore, that’s when the disagreement erupts, and it might lead to a breakup, leaving both parties feeling aggrieved.

Women must learn to control the rhythm of love, establish rules for your relationship, make him understand your boundaries, and let him know his safe zone. This will make your relationship more relaxed. Also, the good you do for the man should be given gradually, giving yourself room for improvement, making him feel that you’re getting better for him. That way, the man will also be willing to treat you better.

2. Learn to say “no”

A woman who can say “no” is, from a certain perspective, principled. Men will respect this kind of woman more. If you feel tired and don’t want to go out, politely tell him, “I don’t feel well today and don’t want to go out,” instead of dragging your weary self to the appointment. You don’t have to feel sorry; it’s your right. If he makes unreasonable demands and you go against your heart to please him, he will think you don’t respect yourself, and in the future, he will make more unreasonable requests to test your limits. If you have no boundaries, then a man will certainly not consider marrying you. It’s important to be honest with yourself and face your inner self honestly.

3. Control the “indulgence” appropriately

The investment a man gives you is social and emotional value. They will share their social achievements with you, prepare gifts or ceremonies for you, and take care of you. But investment is not just about social and emotional value; there’s also the man’s intangible investment—longing. In many emotional scenarios, it’s hard to invest 8 hours together. Everyone has work to do to survive, but apart from material investment, we can also subtly magnify a man’s intangible investment.

Use happy memories to fill his life with your presence, prepare a lunchbox with a sense of humor (once a month), surprise him at home with a good-natured prank, engage in shared hobbies, or occasionally create meaningful moments that will make him think of you or miss you at work. The most important thing is to have a balanced indulgence. Women use these little tricks to guide a man’s intangible investment, but if used every day, the man will become weary. Regarding social and emotional value investment, women also shouldn’t demand excessively. Only in the interactive loop of the relationship can investments be made well.

For instance, a girl complained to me about her boyfriends being stingy every time she dated. She broke up with three boyfriends because of money matters. It wasn’t until one day, during a casual chat, that I realized every time she demanded something, it far exceeded her partner’s financial capabilities. For example, a man working in a government office with a monthly income of 7–8 thousand, after car and house loans, only had around 2–3 thousand left for personal spending. In such a situation, expecting him to buy you an Apple computer, an iPhone XR, or a Hermes bag, is that being stingy? Often, when women complain that their boyfriend is unwilling to invest in them, they seem to have forgotten the initial intention of the man’s investment and only care about their own needs, neglecting whether the man’s investment has already exceeded his financial capacity.

4. Properly time the “capture”

This “capture” must be done subtly, without leaving a trace. Remember to make him think that he has won you over. In reality, you already know that you’re going to win him over sooner or later. But you must act innocent enough and sincere enough to make him think that he has conquered you. For men, it’s essential to balance kindness and severity to firmly hold onto them. After a man provides you with material value, you need to learn to reciprocate with emotional value.

No one is a fool. When someone is good to you and invests in you, it’s because they love you and think you can provide them with emotional value. In such cases, you need to establish a reward mechanism between you two. Every time he invests in you, he should receive a corresponding reward from you, such as praise, coquetry, or a hug, letting him feel that his investment has a return. Gradually, in his mind, he will directly connect investment with reward and be more willing to invest more in you. You can cook him a meal, give him a shoulder rub, and so on. Gradually, a healthy cycle will form between you two.

Finally, women, remember this: Please have the right perspective on the so-called “indulging his desires” in love. “There’s no such thing as a free lunch.” Be an independent woman, and only then will a man truly value you and consider your needs seriously. When you excessively depend on others, you become a part of them, and naturally, they won’t invest in you anymore.