“If you could start over in the next life, would you still get married?”
“Never mind the next life, I don’t want to get married in this lifetime.”
Maybe only unhappy married people would ask such a boring question.
Sometimes I think, love is indeed such a boring thing. In this lifetime, there are so many interesting and meaningful things to do, so why bother with love and marriage?
However, even if you truly think that in this lifetime, you’ll probably end up repeating the same cycle in the next. The interesting thing about love and marriage is that in this world, many people suffer and get hurt because of them, yet there are still more people who come one after another.
People say marriage is like a walled city—those outside want to get in, while those inside want to get out. But actually, those who want to get out are the ones who have suffered greatly, and once they are out, they probably never want to go back in.
Although love can bring happiness and marriage can provide a lifelong dependency, maintaining a relationship and marriage in this lifetime is quite arduous, not as wonderful as imagined. Especially when love evolves into marriage, it becomes a laborious effort. The more one hopes for a happy marriage, the more difficult it becomes.
In the movie “Our Times,” Takeshi Kaneshiro has a line: “I don’t really feel anything. After all, in this world, no one can always accompany anyone, and I really don’t need it…”
Yes, the so-called feeling is actually self-fabricated; the so-called companionship and need are just psychological suggestions. Without these subconscious elements, perhaps a person could live a better life.
When people interpret love and marriage, they always tend to use fairy-tale-like beautiful words—eternal, never leaving, holding hands, growing old together. Perhaps this is the reason why so many people later find it difficult to heal from the pain.
A dream that can span a lifetime is certainly not easily achieved, especially when half of the factors behind this dream are beyond one’s control.
So, why still pursue love and marriage?
Because it’s a part of a complete life.
People who have experienced unhappy marriages often ask me a question: “Teacher Ai, since love and marriage bring so much hurt and deep pain, why do people still pursue them?”
For a long time, I didn’t know how to answer such a question…
But one day, I suddenly understood that the true meaning of love and marriage is not to bring oneself happiness, but to complete one’s life.
If we go through this life without experiencing love and marriage, then this life is certainly regretful and incomplete. The meaning of the experience itself far outweighs the final result. In other words, regardless of whether love is sweet or marriage is happy, the experience is enough—at least we know what love and marriage really taste like. Whether we want to taste this flavor again in the future depends on the individual.
If there is another life, of course, I hope everyone continues to have love and marriage. However, if the memories of this lifetime remain, then in love and marriage, maintain your independence and self, don’t be burdened by love, don’t be weighed down by marriage. If it’s happy, cherish it, if it’s not, turn around and leave, don’t make it difficult for yourself, don’t hurt yourself. That’s good enough.