I remember reading about a mouse experiment called the seesaw experiment. In simple terms, three seesaws were provided to the mice. The first seesaw always had their favorite food at the end, the second seesaw had food at the end randomly, and the third seesaw never had any food. It was speculated that after multiple attempts, the mice should prefer the first seesaw, as it guaranteed a reward for their effort.

However, the results were surprising. The mice preferred the second seesaw, the one with an uncertain outcome. Of course, I believe this experiment should have the premise that the mice were not in a state of extreme hunger.

Thinking about this experiment and relating it to us humans, we can easily find a similar phenomenon: most of the time, excluding extreme situations, people choose to do something not just for the guaranteed result, but for the exploration and curiosity of the unknown, which is always the driving force in human nature.

As someone who writes a lot about relationships, when I saw the results of this experiment, I naturally thought of romantic relationships. It gives us a great insight: consistently stimulating the curiosity and desire for exploration in the other person is beneficial for keeping love fresh.

For example:

In “Gone with the Wind,” Stuart, one of the twin brothers of the Tarleton family, originally pursued the gentle and calm India, but later he suddenly noticed Scarlett, who had just blossomed into a young woman, and was deeply attracted to her. The book describes his inner struggle like this:

“He still loved her (India) very much, respected her good education, knowledge, and various virtues. However, damn it, compared to Scarlett’s lively and changeable charm, she always seemed stiff, dull, and unchanging. When you meet India, you always know how to please her, but when you meet Scarlett, you can’t figure her out at all. This can really make a man feel soulless, but that’s where the charm lies.”

India is far more suitable to be a wife than Scarlett, she is virtuous, gentle, calm, and not ugly. But it is her “goodness” that makes Stuart feel rigid, dull, and unchanging. Obviously, for energetic young men, entering a routine life is a bit too early.

You might say: “You can’t be too greedy. Who do you think you are, to have such high standards?” But when faced with someone you deeply love, who doesn’t want to be more attractive in their eyes than anyone else? If love can bring out a better version of yourself, what’s wrong with that? The same thing can be seen from different perspectives.

So, how do you become both excellent and not so “good”?

For people naturally interested in a wide range of things, it seems that this is not a big deal. Today, they are fascinated with you, the person who doesn’t even know what a kitchen is, can diligently study cookbooks just to satisfy your appetite. But after a few days of joy, tomorrow they might suddenly become obsessed with cross-stitch, neglecting everything else, including serving good food. You can’t blame cross-stitch for stealing their attention. When they understand the mystery of cross-stitch and come back, ready to play something else, what should you do? You wait anxiously, but also with a hint of anticipation.

But what about the naturally calm, focused, and methodical person? Should they just wait to be misunderstood as “dull and unchanging”? No, they might as well be mischievous occasionally. As for how to be mischievous, whether it’s hiding something in their clothes or changing their appearance just for fun, it varies from person to person. Use your intelligence and come up with your own “tactics”!