There’s a saying about remarriage: “As long as you’re happy, it’s okay even if it’s late.” However, in most people’s minds, there’s a bottom line to this “lateness.” It’s common for young people to remarry, and even acceptable for middle-aged people to do so. But when someone reaches retirement age and still wants to remarry, it can be hard to accept.
When this happens, outsiders might just offer some casual comments, but for the children, it’s a different story.
When kids are young, their parents can remarry without needing their consent, or they might consider it from the child’s perspective, wanting to give them a complete family.
However, when the kids grow up and develop their own thoughts, remarriage requires their consent.
We’ve seen this in TV dramas and in real life: retired men who feel lonely and want to remarry, only to face opposition from their children.
Why is that? Let’s hear the genuine feelings of these children.
Ms. He, 38: I don’t want my mom to be hurt in the afterlife.
Last year, my dad told my brother and me that he had met someone and wanted to remarry. This way, we wouldn’t need to worry about him living alone, and he wouldn’t be so lonely.
I know that since Mom passed away a few years ago, Dad’s life has changed dramatically. He has to take care of everything himself, from daily meals to household chores. Back then, we were just starting our careers and didn’t know how Dad was doing at home.
Now, although I can understand why Dad has these thoughts, I still feel resistant to the idea of him remarrying when I think of Mom. It’s like he’s hurting Mom all over again.
I don’t want Mom to be upset in the afterlife because of this. So, when Dad brought it up, I directly opposed the idea.
Ms. Yu, 35: I don’t want my dad to worry about someone else’s kids at his age.
My parents divorced over a decade ago, and they used to fight all the time. Later, we worried that Dad would be too lonely, so we agreed to his remarriage. But back then, Dad didn’t have any such thoughts; he said he was happy living alone.
Now that Dad has retired for over a year, he suddenly wants to remarry. Although he’s old, he still spends most of his time on community activities with people his age, and it’s natural for emotions to develop.
After listening to Dad’s situation, I directly disagreed with his remarriage.
My brother and I have our own families now, and we don’t need Dad to worry about us. We just want him to enjoy his retirement.
However, the woman Dad wants to marry is nearly ten years younger than him and has a son who just graduated from college. Their family conditions are ordinary.
If Dad remarries, he’ll need to worry about her kids, like buying a house, getting married, and raising children. I don’t want Dad to worry about someone else’s kids at his age, whether financially or emotionally.
Ms. Jiang, 36: Since he was so heartless in divorcing my mom, I definitely oppose his remarriage.
I remember when I just graduated from college, my mom told me that Dad wanted a divorce. The reason was that their feelings had been bad for a long time, and they only stayed together for my sake. Now that I’ve graduated, they decided to divorce.
In my view, Dad’s intention was that I was affecting his pursuit of happiness, and now he’s finally free to divorce.
Later, I found out that Dad had fallen for a younger woman, who pressured him into divorcing Mom, causing her great harm.
Although Dad didn’t end up marrying that woman and was even cheated out of a lot of money, he’s still my family. Our relationship has improved over time.
But now that he’s retired and wants to remarry, I directly opposed his idea after he asked for my opinion.
Although I didn’t express my thoughts directly, in my heart, I feel that since he was so heartless in divorcing my mom and causing her so much pain, I naturally wouldn’t agree to his remarriage.
Men who want to remarry after retirement often face opposition from their children. As children, they have their own thoughts.
When facing their fathers’ remarriage, children consider not only themselves but also their fathers’ or mothers’ feelings and future lives.
Regarding their fathers, they think that their dads are old and don’t want them to worry and suffer anymore, even if they’re living alone. They hope their dads can live a simple and peaceful life.
Regarding their mothers, they love their mothers and think about the hardships and suffering they’ve endured. They don’t want their mothers to have given their lives to their fathers, only for them to marry someone else in the end.
Children’s opposition isn’t due to selfishness but stems from their love for their fathers and mothers.