When I was young, there was a convenience store not far from my house that sold delicious chocolate. Every time my parents took me home, I would insist on taking the route that passed by the store.

I hesitated to tell them the reason, afraid they would think I was greedy and ruin my image as a well-behaved girl.

I didn’t know how many children were like me until I read Osamu Dazai’s “No Longer Human.”

The protagonist Oba leaves me feeling sympathetic. He’s like a mirror, showing me the hidden part of myself.

There was a time, probably in the eleventh grade, when I felt extremely lost. My parents didn’t understand me, my classmates worked harder than me, and even the teachers seemed to dislike me.

I felt hopeless about the future and struggled with studying. Despite pretending to be obedient in class due to my parents’ urging, I was consumed by inexplicable emotions every day.

By chance, I discovered two classmates who shared my thoughts. They even planned to run away from home, and one actually went south to seek adventures.

It was only when his parents found mine that my parents realized the seriousness of the situation. After a long conversation, I learned it was a normal part of adolescence.

Gradually, I calmed down and returned to a normal life.

In “No Longer Human,” Oba’s father worked in Tokyo and would bring gifts for the family when he returned. The night before each departure, he would gather the children and ask what they wanted, noting it down. When it was Oba’s turn, he wanted a book, but his father suggested a lion toy instead.

Thinking his father wanted him to choose the lion, Oba waited until everyone was asleep, then sneaked into his father’s study and wrote “lion” in the gift book to please him.

Oba was a highly gifted child, but he always tried to hide himself, influenced by the people-pleasing personality he developed during his upbringing.

He constantly played the role of a clown, trying to make everyone happy. However, when a classmate discovered his true self, he panicked and couldn’t face the reality.

Writer Osamu Dazai, through Oba, expressed: “That was my final plea to humanity. Outwardly, I always greeted people with a smile, but inside, I toiled and sweated, serving humanity… Unable to bear the alienation from my family, I cultivated the skill of pleasing others from an early age.”

Many of us, like Oba, try to conceal our true emotions, putting on a facade in public but suffering deeply in private.

It’s just like watching “The Bad Kids” recently. Zhu Chaoyang, a 12-year-old, longed for a complete family and his father’s love. However, his father started a new family with another woman and had children.

Every time Zhu Chaoyang met his father, he was obedient and sensible, showing his top grades, pretending not to need money even when the family was struggling. He thought being well-behaved would attract his father’s attention.

But his half-sister’s words shattered his dream. When the scab on his wound was torn off, he realized the harsh truth.

To win back his father’s love, Zhu Chaoyang took a series of actions.

Zhu Chaoyang’s tragedy could have been avoided if his mother didn’t demand perfection and if his father shared some love with him instead of focusing on his daughter.

No one ever asked him what he truly needed, treating him as a responsible child who didn’t trouble his parents.

Many families tend to overlook children who suppress their inner needs to please their parents.

In “The Life of Matsuko,” Matsuko tried to gain her father’s attention by acting like a clown to make him laugh. She believed that her sincerity and warmth could be exchanged for others’ appreciation, but her naivety led to rejection.

Unlike Matsuko, Oba’s people-pleasing was a facade. He knew he was deceiving others and feared being exposed.

He lived a much more exhausting life than Matsuko, constantly suppressing his true self to achieve various goals, leading to more suffering.

But whether Matsuko or Oba, their people-pleasing personalities destined them to lifelong unhappiness.

There are people like you in the world, pretending to be normal while hiding their true inner struggles.

Many of us do things we don’t want to, forcing smiles and efforts, while our true passions are kept secret, fearing ridicule.

In the end, it becomes hard to distinguish between what’s real and what’s fake.

As humans, it’s tough to say no to others. If this difficulty persists, without expression, we either explode or wither away in silence, becoming strangers to ourselves.

Even feelings of hatred and negativity can grow towards those who make us do things we dislike.

“No Longer Human” reflects our inner struggles and confusion through Oba. By acknowledging and overcoming our human weaknesses, we can live a life true to ourselves.

If life feels exhausting and you’ve forgotten your initial purpose, this book can help you rediscover your true self.

If you’re facing the confusion of adolescence, consider reading “No Longer Human” seriously. It’s truly an eye-opening book.

Only by pouring out your thoughts, facing inner fears, can you live the life you deserve.